On Being Frustrated After Missing A Shot
Hi. i’ve run into a huge problem. actually its been a problem for a while i suppose. my mental game.
whenever i dont hit very well, i get frustrated with myself. then i start hitting worse which makes me more frustrated. when i try to calm down and relax i cant.
i dont know what to do. please help…
Let’s first find the reasons why you get frustrated and then see what you can do about it.
There are two main reasons why you get frustrated:
1. You are not realistic. This is something that most of us cannot accept.
We think that after practicing and playing tennis for 1,2, …, 6,7, … years or more, we SHOULD be able to hit the ball in – whatever the situation.
The real answer is that we cannot control tennis (or any other sport).
No one is able to hit EVERY ball in, no matter what is the situation:
- second serve
- easy sitter
- short ball
- usual baseline shot
- easy volley
- …
You don’t believe me? Then watch tennis pros and LOOK FOR missed shots that they SHOULDN’T miss. (at least in your opinion)
Every time you hear a sigh of disappointment from the crowd, it means that they ALL thought the player shouldn’t have missed.
They are ALL WRONG as the reality is clearly and obviously different from their expectations or their opinions.
So who is right? You or reality? 
For most people it’s so hard to accept that you are really NOT THAT GOOD in tennis as you thought.
But in my opinion, if you can rally from the baseline, you are VERY GOOD.
Try teaching tennis beginners for a while and you’ll see how difficult tennis is.
2. You repeat the subconscious pattern of punishing (criticizing, scolding, putting down) yourself which was programmed into you when you were a child.
This one is tougher to solve but if you become aware of it, you can CHOOSE your response to a miss.
Here’s what happens: when you were a child, you made a mistake. Not one but thousands of them.
You knew nothing about the world, you were not very well coordinated and you were unable to be aware of most things happening around.
Ever seen a small child walk in the room and bump into you when you came in?
Their focus is very narrow. So they may break a vase or a glass or something like that.
The key is now what happens next: how do parents react to this?
Do they understand that the child is a child or do they scold him?
If they scold him, the child learns that after a mistake he is punished. He did something wrong so there must be CONSEQUENCES.
Note that this mistake is only perceived as a mistake.
If you understand the child’s narrow focus and lack of coordination, poor judgment of distances and so on, then it is NORMAL that a child breaks a glass.
This is only an unfortunate event. IT IS NOT A MISTAKE!
But parents have to pay for the glass, they want their child to be perfect (almost) and they need to find a victim for the mess. Unfortunately that’s how it works in 99% of the cases.
And that’s how you become programmed to criticize yourself when no one else is around.
It doesn’t work. It doesn’t bring you closer to what you want. It won’t make you happy.
It’s just a wrong program in your head.
Scolding pattern is WRONG.
Then when this pattern goes off after you make a mistake (now) and you become aware of it, you can let it go knowing that it doesn’t work.
Encourage yourself, focus on what you want and be realistic. You cannot avoid mistakes in tennis no matter how hard you try.
Play the game and enjoy when you hit the ball in or make a point. If you miss, try to learn from your mistake and move on.
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