Hi, the reason I bought the E-book is that I am a tennis parent of a 9 years old son.

He is playing tennis since 2003 (then 5 years of age).

He is playing very well (and so a lot of other kids) but when he has to play a tournament he is awfully stressed.

Even for the matches in the first round.

Last week he made it for the first time to the final! But oh, what a stress, Tomaz.

He was crying for two hole sets (and lost of course and a lot of headache)!

What can I do (or say) to make him feel better or to take a little bit of stress away?

How to ease the stress of competition for young kids?

This topic is very important not only for tennis parents but also for coaches.

Here are 4 ways you can do it, I’ll try and put up some more in the future:

1. Accept that your son may be very sensitive and WILL cry no matter what you do. But crying is good since that’s how he releases the stress so it won’t accumulate in him over the years.

Obviously he loses matches because he is stressed but that is the price he pays for being sensitive. It think being sensitive is much better than being numb so appreciate that in him.

He is just a child and there are some tough years ahead of him.

If you don’t accept that he will cry here and there, you might get very upset or worried and now your son will sense this and feel guilty for making you feel like that.

2. Try and find out WHY is he so stressed. Losing is rarely so stressful (can be of course), it is the consequences that are painful.

Maybe he feels that he disappoints you or that you will withdraw love when he loses. I am guessing of course.

Also explain with examples that players in tennis lose all the time.

Don’t take Federer and Nadal for example since they are exceptions to this rule, but all the other players lose all the time.

It happens all the time. Kids are very unrealistic and sometimes they can’t understand this. They blame themselves.

It’s a long journey, be patient.

3. Be a good role model. How do you react when you son loses? Are you stressed too?

What is your body language when he looks at you in the middle of the match?

Are your arms and legs crossed? This shows that you are nervous.

Your son FEELS what you feel and amplifies it.

You must be the first one to project calmness around you and your son will pick it up.

You must be a role model when he loses.

If you play tennis too, let him see you how you lose and how you behave. Kids copy very well and typically don’t listen that well.

4. Give him a certain tactic - a game plan to play in the final or crucial points. Something simple like playing to the backhand of his opponent, or playing deep with top spin or whatever he is good at.

Practice that and remind him so that when this critical situation comes, he will be focused on this goal - tactic and forget about winning and losing.

The Mental Manual can help you with many ideas, pick the ones that you feel can work for him and experiment.

In summary: If I coach a 9 year old child and he / she cries during or after the match, I see it as something completely normal. I don’t get upset or worried at all.

I know the story will look different in 3 or 5 years.

I keep projecting calmness and confidence and explain the long term goals and that the final goal is to play well, give 100% and accept that things don’t always go your way.

Related posts:


• How Can Tennis Parents Help Their Children With The Mental Game?
• How To Mentally Approach Playing A Weaker Opponent
• Private vs Group Tennis Lessons
• Should My Child Participate In Tennis Tournaments?
• 5 Things You Can Learn From Federer And Nadal

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 22nd, 2007 at 12:37 am and is filed under Mental Tennis, Tennis Parents. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.