I have  12.5 years old son who plays tennis. His coaches and other people claim that he is very talented and has a very very good and natural technique.

However when he is playing he is more attempting to make “nice” points then just to put the ball in the court, he is very daring and very creative in his game.

This results in less success in games than he is expected (ratio of unforced errors is not to his favor… he is usually losing to himself), this results in loss in his self confidence.

How would you recommend to deal with that?

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I stumbled across your site by accident while trying to find tips to help my 11 year old daughter (12 in April).

She first picked up the racquet about 18 months ago and fell in love with tennis. We aren’t rich, but managed to get her a coach - he was quite young and she started to hit the ball over the net quite nicely.

He suggested that she enter some tournaments - so we entered her for some - it was a rude awakening.

She hadn’t been taught to serve and was playing against girls who had already been playing for 4-5 years… She lost every match 6-0 6-1. Out of 40 matches she won 4.

We decided that it was pointless putting her in matches until she could serve - so stopped entering tournaments and changed coach. She has played in a few tournaments recently and has done quite well - but her serve is still a huge problem.

She double faults regularly - sometime 2 or 3 a game. She is also finding it difficult to cope with the power of some of the other girls.

My question is - should she actually be competing in tournaments now…? Isn’t it better to wait until you have full confidence in your shots before competing?

Her coach seems to think that she will magically find her serve in a match situation - but this isn’t happening and it is eroding her self-confidence very quickly.

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My 8-year old daughter played a match and lost 1:4 and 1:4.  Her opponent was not that much better.  

She should be able to beat her but my daughter lost all her service games and served without control.

I watched this match and I guess she missed because she was nervous.  She cannot control herself.

Whenever she is not better than around 50% of serves in, I can already see a double fault. Don’t ask what my husband is feeling…

I know that you have various experiences about this case, pls help.

Hi and thanks for sharing. I’ll go straight to the point.

You say:

“Whenever she is not better than around 50% of serves in, I can already see a double fault. Don’t ask what my husband is feeling…”

So you and your husband are both feeling NERVOUS as soon as your daughter misses the first serve, right?

And now you expect 8 year old girl NOT to be nervous? Can you NOT be nervous? Can you do it?

Can you believe in her serve even when you know it’s not perfect yet and that her percentage is around 50%? You probably don’t and so doesn’t your daughter.

That’s why she misses.

YOU have to be the first to believe. YOU have to be the first to be calm.

She will follow. She is always following. Even now when you are both nervous. So is she. She can feel you.

This is step 1.

Step 2 is to figure out why are you all nervous. What does it mean to you if she loses or misses?

Take it easy. Children, especially girls are not mentally strong at 8 years old. (with very very few exceptions) They need to be supported when they lose and never criticized.

This tennis journey of your daughter is not only about her changing. It’s also about you changing.

Especially the father who puts so much pressure and nervousness on all results. She cannot handle that.

It is through her results and play that you will see how you affect her.

Hopefully your love for her will be stronger than your ego to be more than other people. Hopefully your love for her will make you change and be less nervous and less obssessed with the results.

Then she will play better and you’ll also get that satisfactory feeling of being a parent of a good tennis player.

This is the part of the parent in this tennis journey.

We coaches teach technique, tactics and how to calm down and focus if there are nerves present. Your role as a parent is that there aren’t any nerves present.

If your daughter feels that she dissapoints you with a loss, she will be nervous. When she is nervous she won’t play well.

Read these two sentences again and again to really get them.

It is that simple problem. The solution lies deep in you.

My son is one year old. I wanna make him superstar like Roger Federer.

How should I start preparing him for a tennis career?

When should he start playing tennis and how should I proceed to achieve his success?

First, let me share my opinion on this topic.

Your son is NOT your property.

It is not morally right to MAKE something out of your son. He is a free person and when he grows up a little more he needs to have free will to choose whatever he likes to do whether you like it or not.

A parent is just a guide. You can show him what you think is good in life and then let him choose whether he likes that too or not.

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Hi Tomaz, I have a 11 year old daughter that is ranked no. 2 in our city.

$I have a problem with her, fear.

She protects herself from looking incompetent by playing safe as opposed to smart, aggressive tennis.

What can I do?

You’ve already made an interesting and deep observation. Could you also say that she is afraid to miss?

If she is afraid to miss and thinks that this is a mistake that she could avoid, you need to show her videos of top players missing shots, especially easy ones.

11 year old kids don’t understand that tennis is out of their control. They almost always think it’s their fault.

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My ten year old son has been playing tennis for about a year and a half. He has always done well in team sports like basketball and baseball, but seems to be experiencing major frustration with tennis?

Last evening, I went to watch him play for the first time since last summer at his insistence. I sat very close to his court, but did not respond to poor shots.

To my surprise, he did not handle his temper very well on the court. He banged his racket and threw it numerous time in frustration. He also became enraged that I was watching him and tried to get me to move out of sight.

I have not had any complaints about his behavior in class, but he is very strong-willed and does not like to lose. His tennis pro made an announcement before the next round of play indicating a player would be asked to leave the center for throwing their racket or showing any sign of unsportsman-like behavior.

He did much better during his next two matches, but he won and I stayed out of sight.

I am just at a loss of what to do with my son. One pro at the center offered to get me a copy of a sixteen second rule?

It has to do with what my son should do in between points? Any suggestions from you would be greatly appreciated.

Why do young tennis players behave badly on a tennis court?

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My son is fourteen years old, and he plays a lot of tournaments. He does o.k.

He does great at practice, but at tournaments he gets angry, or just tries to hit too hard and win all the time.

I have tried to talk to him many times, telling him to play smarter - he does all the hard work at practice and training and cannot play the best he can at tournaments.

Do you have any ideas for me? Thanks

Here’s where we adults get stuck with teenagers:

a) We want to change them - we want them to behave differently.

b) We don’t want them to suffer.

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You’re thinking about getting some tennis lessons for you or for your child but don’t know whether you should go for private or for group lessons (or maybe even both)?

Here is a quick comparison of private and group tennis lessons and you’ll find my recommendations for adults and juniors below the table: (more…)

I often talk with tennis parents about their children and how they want to find the best coach for them.

But so many times the parents have no clue what makes a good tennis coach.

Most of the times they rely either on:

• word of mouth
• past successes of the coach (his name)
• how she looks and behaves (nicely dressed, working hard on court)
• where the coach works (if she works in a tennis academy or this prestigious club THEN she must be good)

All these factors are too superficial and can be very deceiving in your judgment and choice of a good tennis coach.

Here are 5 factors you need to check with your potential tennis coach to determine whether he is the right choice for your child: (more…)

Hi, the reason I bought the E-book is that I am a tennis parent of a 9 years old son.

He is playing tennis since 2003 (then 5 years of age).

He is playing very well (and so a lot of other kids) but when he has to play a tournament he is awfully stressed.

Even for the matches in the first round.

Last week he made it for the first time to the final! But oh, what a stress, Tomaz.

He was crying for two hole sets (and lost of course and a lot of headache)!

What can I do (or say) to make him feel better or to take a little bit of stress away? (more…)